Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
