I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize