We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize