I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize