The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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