This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
