what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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