I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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