I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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