My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
