Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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