he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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