i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
