The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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