Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
