i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
