remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
