standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
