dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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