Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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