So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
