I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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