I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
