...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish my penis had a tongue
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize