Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
