Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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