last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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