I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize