A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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