so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
