I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
