You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
