I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have post one night stand depression
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