College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
