He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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