we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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