i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
