The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
