3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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