I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
