I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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