what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize