it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
