Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My dick has a subreddit
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
