It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
