You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
