You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
