he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want nice things and good sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
