dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
