The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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