quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
