i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
