the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
