U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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