i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
