.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's great music for shaving your balls
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
