i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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