we have pet lesbian snakes
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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