My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
