Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
