Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
two words: eviction party
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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