i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
