she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
