You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
