I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
